So you’ve hit the jackpot, found success in whatever field you’ve chosen, and are beginning to find your bliss. What now? The problems of the successful are a completely different ballgame than those you might encounter when you’re still looking for success. Merill Chandler talks about the black holes of success and dives into the problems that a successful person might not see happening before their very eyes. Everyone has their blind spots, but when you’re allowing yourself to bask in the warm afterglow of your hard work, those blind spots may be magnified without you even realizing it. Don’t let your success lead you to a black hole that it may be hard to get out of.
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The Black Holes Of Success
As my new book, The New F* Word, there’s an F there. The new F word is fundability, how to get fundable? In this episode, we’re going to be talking about the truth. It’s a little more deceptive than we think. Some of you dig my perspectives, the dots that I connected. I haven’t heard a lot of people connected this way. We’re going to talk about the truth and how it impacts you as an entrepreneur, a real estate investor, a businessman or businesswoman, a professional because it isn’t as easy or it isn’t as simple as we might think it is. That’s the point I’m going to make.
What is the truth? I’m going to tell you that this isn’t a religious discussion. It’s not even a philosophical discussion. We’re going to talk about how our ideas of the truth pull the rug out from underneath of our deals, the opportunities to grow with our loved ones, our families, our relationships. How we turn money away because of what you believe is the truth, way more than myths about credit and some of the things we’ve talked about in the past. Let’s get down some success principles that I like to discuss. First of all, the failings of the human condition. We see what we want to see. Do you remember when I talked about the ostrich and some of the credit behaviors? It happens all the time and our funding lives. It happens in our business lives. We only see what we want to see. We want to avoid everything else.
Myths About Credit
I’m going to give you a little juicy nugget here that I want you to go to Get Fundable Facebook page and lets battle it out. Tell me if you agree or you don’t agree. The greatest place is at the Bootcamp where everybody is throwing in and weighing in on topics like this. Here’s what I say, the single most powerful experience in the human condition is denial. Some people say it’s love. I would vote that be number one, except many of us, because of whatever reason, we deny that someone loves us or we deny that we’re even lovable. Love can’t be the greatest experience in the human or the most powerful and high impact experience because we push away money, love, connection and a lot of things for dozens of reasons. We deny anything we don’t want to see because we’re afraid of it or we don’t believe that it’s possible or true.
Remember my episode a few a while back where I said, “Fear of failure, fear of success.” If you haven’t read that one, go there because both things can exist in us. We can be afraid to fail and we get afraid to succeed. Principle number one, we will see what we want to see and we will refuse to see anything else. Another way of saying this is we like to filter for being right. We won’t take in all the information. Everything I talk about in fundability is about data points, information. The information is not bad. Our beliefs about that information is that’s what we shy away from. That’s what we want to deny. I watch it in any adventure movie. There’s a stone rolling down the hill at an individual. The first thing that they’re unwilling to believe that a stone is coming at them. We can’t see the fact that our lives are imperiled. God bless every single one of them. There were first responders in the 9/11 crisis. Remember the tragic views of people who didn’t believe they had a way out.
It was before the collapse and they’re literally jumping for their lives because it was probably better to try that than what the end result was. How many people didn’t or couldn’t take it in? “It won’t collapse.” The tragedy of how many people died. I’d be one of the people who would jump for my life. I would try to slide down the side of that building and take death as a choice rather than to believe that, “Maybe the first responders can get to me.” We all have different experiences of this, but the point I’m making is that we will filter our experience to deny the truth of what’s happening the way. I did an article that will be coming out. Think of it this way, we look around ourselves and there are 360 degrees, at least in this time-space. Let’s say you’re watching instead of listening. We are looking at each other. You can see with perfect 20/20 vision. You can see what’s in my blind spot. If you were sitting across from me I could see what’s in yours. You can’t see it unless you turn around and when you turn around, your blind spot shifts by hook or by crook, unless we’re sitting in a round mirror, normal day-to-day living, we are blind to half of what’s going on in our lives. Who isn’t blind to that?
Our partner, loved ones, friends, business partners, we ignore what’s in our blind spot but we don’t have a single problem pointing out what’s in somebody else’s. What they’re blind to, what they can’t see, their frailties and their challenges in life. We pointed out that we don’t have a problem because to us, you’ve got to be able to see it. It’s clear as day. You’re an arrogant, narcissist. You’re like, “I thought I was self-centered.” You can’t see your blind spot and I can’t see mine. Here’s where it comes in. What is the truth? I take this to heart, meditate on it. As we’re talking about in Get Fundable Facebook group or the Get Fundable page, just go on Facebook and let’s hash it out. I love to talk to you guys, but the truth of something is the sum of all possible perceptions.You will see what you want to see, and refuse to see anything else. Click To Tweet
Remember the old story, some of us may have heard or recall that there were five blind men who run into an elephant. Each one was asked to describe the elephant. One grabbed the trunk and said, “It’s like an anaconda snake.” It’s long, the ability to move and act like a snake. The other one grabbed its tail and said, “It’s like a duster. I can clean my house with it.” One touches the legs and were like, “It’s like a pillar that could hold up an entire wall.” Every single one of them were not wrong. They had a limited perspective. The truth of the elephant is the sum of all possible perceptions, all possible experiences of that elephant. To even push it further, what about the flee, that’s on the back of the elephant? There are an entire universe and an entire landscape that the flee experiences that are radically different than any other perspective. Let’s take a look at that elephant from a satellite perspective. There’s even a greater landscape and that elephant fits within an ecosystem. It’s part of this grand savannah, we call the Serengeti.
Not anyone with those perspectives is wrong, but every one of those perspectives is limited. The truth of a thing is the sum of all possible experiences of it, all possible perceptions of it. Let’s go back to my blind spots because I have surrounded myself with individuals who are courageous and unwilling to sell me out. We wouldn’t be partners, friends, or teammates if they did. I willingly admit I have no clue what’s in my blind spot on that spiritual, metaphorical, emotional and mental. I can’t see all of me as easily as you can. Isn’t it funny? You can see what’s in somebody’s way of talking to them for five minutes. They’ve been living their entire lifetimes and may be completely blind to it. It happens all the time and unless we ask for feedback, unless we ask our partner to show us how we are not aware, we’ll never know. Most of us are afraid of this information. They’re data points. I’m that geek. We’re in denial. Many of us are in denial and we’re afraid to see our blind spots, but the truth of our lives is the sum of all of the perceptions of our lives, including those from our business partners, our spouses, our lovers, our friends, our neighbors, the barista who makes our coffee.
If they see something and comment about it or in our defensive mechanisms, we’ll say, “Somebody’s copping attitude.” Have you ever asked why they’re giving you an attitude? Most of us are in denial and we’ll point our finger over there and say, “They’re an asshole,” or “They’re having a bad day.” We’re blind to even speak. Here’s a perfect example. Have you noticed that you cannot see you in 3D like everybody else on the planet can see you? When we look in a mirror, it’s backward and two dimensional. There is no depth perception of it. Even if we watch ourselves on video, it’s still two dimensions. In many of the training that I’ve taken and the ones that we have, we videotape our advisors, our trainers. We videotape them so they can see themselves, how they show up. If you’ve ever done it, sometimes you’re like, “Is that what I look like on film? Is that what I sound like on a recording?” We’re disconcerted. We don’t like it. We’re afraid of it. Rather than leaning in and video watch who we are, watch what everybody sees that we never get to see.
There’s been this whole movement over the last many years. “There’s not the truth. There’s your truth and my truth.” What may be true for you is not true for me. The truth of the matter is the sum of experience and mine. I never go religion, politics, any of those things because the truth of politics is the sum of all the possible experiences of it. I can be compassionate in my discussions with anybody. I can love and engage anybody in a conversation because it’s not about being right and wrong. It’s about hearing the other person’s perspective. Their perspective may reveal something in my blind spot. The reason why you even come to my show is I’m showing you things in your blind spot. They’re the things you weren’t aware of, things that you didn’t know about. Fundability is one more way that we’re either in denial or we believe limited beliefs. I will never say your belief is wrong or you have a wrong belief or you’re not right about what you believe because you’re not.
Like the blind men and the elephant, we may be limited in our beliefs. We may or may not believe enough. Here’s one of the fun things that I always talk about when I engage individuals in my training and the opportunities is that sometimes we’re critical of another person’s thoughts, ideas, beliefs, or otherwise. What are we critical enough? Most of us are critical when we see somebody else’s blind spot. We see how they’re living their lives, believing the deals they’re doing, “Don’t do that deal because you’re going to crash and burn.” I’m not saying you’re not right. I’m not saying that they’re wrong. What I’m saying is that most of the time, we’re not critical enough because we filter everything through our comfort zone. Things are right or wrong based on how comfortable they make us feel. That’s not a bad thing, but it is a limited thing. I put out to you guys in this show, no matter what deals you’re doing, no matter how you are with your partners, your spouses, your loved ones.
This is crazy important to your kids, especially when they’re rebelling against you and when they’re trying to establish independence from your belief system or your behaviors or your way of living. What if they’re not wrong? What if it’s more information? We can have compassion and understanding so that we don’t divide ourselves, but we bring ourselves together. How many deals have you done? What would you use? A credit partner, a hard money lender, somebody who’s invested in the property or a private lender? How many of them were rocky or had problems because of a different perspective? If we knew it, then the truth of the deal is the sum of both perspectives. How many relationship failings? How many deal failings?You can't see unless you turn around, and when you turn around, your blind spots shift. Click To Tweet
How many parent-child relationships could we heal if we’re willing to let them talk to us about what they see in our blind spot? How our beliefs may limit us. In the foreword of my book I say, “The purpose of the book is to reconcile the relationship between borrowers and lenders.” Somebody has to go first. My challenge to you, if you are bingeing these or if this is your first episode, if you like what we talk about, remember you’re open to me because I may appear like a subject matter expert in fundability. Everything makes sense. Even though I’ve told you a dozen times, “Don’t believe me. Try it. If it works, then you know for yourself.” At least you’re open to some, lots, maybe to all of what I’m at least presenting. You’re willing to take it for a spin and see how it fits.
What if you did that with your children? What if you did that with your partners? What if you did that with your spouse, your lover? The deal that you do with others? What if you ask them to show you what’s in my blind spot? What am I filtering? What am I unwilling to see about this deal? How many of you have lost a deal because you didn’t ask enough questions or are you after the fact? Remember what they say, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Do you know why it is 20/20? There is no blind spot after the fact. It worked or it didn’t. You get to take apart and deconstruct what worked and what didn’t. What if you could deconstruct it in advance? What if you took in other people’s perspectives? What if you asked other people what their perspective is? I’m not saying they’re right. I’m saying it’s more information. What I’m also saying is they’re not wrong. Can you see how you can not be right and also not be wrong? What if it’s information that we take in and then we look at that deal and say, “I didn’t even ask about the roof. I didn’t even do a foundation check. I didn’t ask that hard money lender what the points were in the second round when I needed to renew it,” whatever it was.
We’ve all been bozos in these deals. I’ve told you before, I know how to get money and invest money through other people’s money. For many months, I did a fix and flip. That was the worst experience of my life. That’s why I don’t teach you how to be real estate investors or do fix and flips. I tried one and after many months, it was finally profitable. It was a pain in my ass from start to finish. A lot of it was because I didn’t know what I was doing. Me, being the guy that I am, I didn’t know this principle yet. I’ve learned it through hard knocks, like you’re learning it through hard knocks. I ignored completely what after the fact would be perfectly good intel. I didn’t know how to ask for it. I didn’t know how to see it and I was filtering because this was a good deal. I filtered for a good deal about it not and being right about it. I didn’t filter for my blind spot or my perceptions and completely ignore the 180 degrees that is here and behind me.
Think of it this way. The truth of anything, the truth of a thing is the sum of all the experiences and all the perceptions you can have. There is a truth to your deals. There is a truth to your partnerships. There is a truth to your marriage or your friendships. There is a truth but it’s not yours. You don’t have a monopoly. You got 180 degrees of lost and so are they. I don’t know if it’s by divine design or pure divine comedy, but we need each other so that we can see our blind spots. We need to do it with compassion, understanding, love, support and clear, honest communication. You’re going first with your lenders. Let’s go first with our family members, our children, and our spouses. Let’s choose first to be open to what’s in our blind spot and not ignore what’s back there. The thing that they can see effortlessly and they’ll likely say, “You were so open about what I wanted to share with you about what’s going on back there behind you that you can’t see, will you do the same for me?”
If you make it a negative experience, it’s probably going to be short-lived and you’re going to walk around your whole life with a blind spot. You’re going to have that blind spot kick you in the ass because that’s where it is over and over again. Let’s play easy. Let’s play simple. Let’s not filter. Let’s not be the ostrich. Let’s take in the information and let’s shift our minds to at least understand the truth and all the perceptions of the thing we’re talking about. Imagine, if you went to your next deal, open to all the perceptions. You’ve got your cabinet people. You’ve got your demo people and you honestly looked at them for as though they could see things that you can’t see. Instead of being 90% or 95% good, maybe you’re 100% aware of a deal. When you’re making an offer on a house, when you’re buying a new franchise, imagine that the person you’re negotiating with it has a valid perspective.
Finally, all of this comes down to how do we collaborate them for all of us. “You see my blind spot, I see your blind spot. I agree.” The truth is the sum of all of everything that’s going on here. Given that, how do we collaborate instead of competing? How do we both win here at this? That’s with our children. That’s with our wives and husbands. That’s with our partners. How do we collaborate so that we both walk out of here way more aware of what’s going on and way more successful in every endeavor we go in? I wish there was an F word for fantastically, foresightful about being the fullness and being open to the fullness of who you are, relying on others and trusting others to see your blind spot. I will see you in the next episode.
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